Projects I’m Trying to Finish Before I Die

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Adults ONLY below this line.
You’ve been warned.

8 Note Songbook

Just getting started with this, but here are some diatonic tunes with no more than eight notes you can play on a kids glockenspiel or a four-hole harmonica. Send me suggestions for other tunes to add. Just getting things started, but it’s HERE.

School Girls vs. Aliens!
Altoid’s “not so” Erotic Space Opera for Ukulele


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Altoid brings his family to Earth to experience moral ambiguity and things quickly go off the rails. Scheming schoolgirls, jealous wives, the girls from the country club, and too much beer lead to the tragic tale of a vacation gone wrong. The libretto and 50 songs may drive you off to Iota Draconis yourself. The main page for Altoid is HERE.

The Jumping Flea Arpeggiator
Arpeggios for the High G Ukulele


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This is the first edition of the Jumping Flea Arpeggiator. It is the single most important book of etudes you can tackle if you’re intending to grow from being an intermediate level player to an advanced player on the ukulele. It’s free! If you own a ukulele, you should be working on these each day for five minutes.


I’ve put in years of work into Christmas-y arrangements including Thanksgiving, Hanukah, religious and non-religious standards. Click for more info on ukulele and guitar. Ho!

Circle of Fifths


Yeah I’m the one who made this. I find it on coffee mugs and clocks these days. It’s my second most important contribution to the ukulele world. I keep all my ukulele music theory stuff on the Jolly Roger site HERE.

¿Creepy? Transvestites in Paris Hilton-ville

A post-apocalyptic pet-sitting concerto for toy piano, ukulele and piccolo


Paris Hilton’s First Memoir, Transvestites, a Post Apocalyptic Pet Sitting Service, toy piano, ukulele and a piccolo. What could go wrong? Find out HERE.

Denver Guitar Orchestra

Click HERE for details, sheet music and sound files.

My Pious Friends and Drunken Companions for the 21st Century


Updating the books My Pious Friends and Drunken Companions with modern words. Coming soon.

Flying Spaghetti Monster

My trilogy. It’s a three part endless novel. It’s a song book. It’s a work my wife read and said, “I hate every one of these characters.”  Coming someday … all three volumes. FSM -> The Tyranny of Arithmetic -> The Return of the FSM?


 Folly and Stoicism

A little Roman philosophy you didn’t know you should care about.

The Bloody Rebellion a Voodoo Zombie Cheerleader and Her Vigilante Ukulele Jazz Orchestra


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There is SO much wrong (and by wrong I mean right) with my favorite musical for ukulele orchestra and it’s 51-ish songs long. Here’s a few.



I bought this thing for $200 at Guitar Center in Eugene, Oregon. I guess I should use it for something. How about THIS.

Ukulele & Baritone Ukulele


Jolly Roger Ukulele is the place to be.



Gerard Van Honthorst “The Concert” 1623
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Here we go. Stuff I’ve collected from all over the internet with a highly unscholarly approach. Not sure what’s true and what’s not. Just a lot of stuff HERE.

Mammoth Gardens


My epic poem in dactylic tetrameter that somehow ties all this other malarkey together. Coming soon.

Muddy Waters of the Platte

My Denver musical where the main character is a coffee shop. A paean to the way things used to be and an old man’s belief that they should still be that way. Coming soon.

New Yorker


Tunes inspired by New Yorker cartoons HERE.

Piano … Mostly Toy Piano


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I really am a piano player at heart, but my practice habits don’t support the notion. Coming soon.


I have nice recorders. I should learn to play them.

Rocky Mountain Ukulele Orchestra

What’s the largest (we’re pretty sure) and most important (jury is still out) orchestra in Colorado? The Rocky Mountain Ukulele Orchestra!

The Sonnets of William Shakespeare … Melodified
Arranged for Baritone Ukulele


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William Shakespeare’s sonnets and (someday) Francesco Petrarca forced onto sheet music. Ideally played on a baritone ukulele. You can also play them on a guitar (those two low strings are for people who can’t get along with bass players anyway), tenor banjo tuned Chicago style, or low G ukulele if you’re only reading tablature and not fussing with standard notation.

Go here: The Shakespeare Sonnet Project

The Vampyre Symphony


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My unfinished symphony. I like what I did. I never finished it. It’s HERE.


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The Tyger: William Blake’s Poetry Set to Ukulele

Yup, I wrote a musical about Tiger Woods and his girlfriends. It grew instantly stale as you might imagine. But, half of the songs are William Blake poems set to music and I’m proud of some of those. They HERE


You ever been around theater people? This is my musical against everything they stand for.


A student of a friend of mine in New York City had a student who drew a funny character on the board. I wrote a song about that and then a whole musical for kids about fantastic creatures.


I’ve Started Taking Lessons (January 2017)


Daisy Bell for Violin: PDF